Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Stepping on to the 2nd :).... (contd)

Although life in US was getting better day by day....I realised a bitter truth that "Life in US is Great but NOT EASY", as many people back home think. We never experienced difficulties in opening a bank account or getting the driver's license (which is a nightmare here to many people), or filling up our kids with a hell-a-lot of immuisations before they enter school. More so from a homemaker's point of view, however tired you are there are those uninvited guests waiting for u each and every day (cleaning vessels, ironing, vaccum cleaning). Me honesly enjoyed these privilages of having a maid do all these back home. Dosent stop with that. There were carpenters, plumbers, iron wala, milk wala and even the vegetable vendor everyone coming to your door step. But here even a single ounce of milk u need to drive down in a car. This implies that I learnt to drive a car which i never even attempted to do back home but to get a Licence (that too just for the International Driver's Permit).

But it was all a learning, many a times we did not choose to rejoice this learning process, we didnt have a choice. It was more of a necessity. While i mention this learning , i need to mention the people (our own indian brothers and sisters) here in US. The extent they go to help the new-comers is just amazing. We had may such good souls among us who guided us in the right direction everytime we were clueless. Slowly the weather was getting a little chill now.....the temperature dropping to the 60s (u know as im living in US now i need to talk abt temperatures in Farenheit, liquids in gallons or ounces and weight in pounds). It was fall...soon all the trees were looking as if they took a trip to our "Tirupathi".......

Then there came the winter day by day the temperature kept dropping down now we had to shop for winter jackets, gloves, snow shoes for kids......the days were short and nights were loong, we had to wear layers of dressess, even to go out and check our post took refuge in their friends' houses and basements to play. Playdates and pot-lucks increased as those were the only means by which people met each other (poeple barely came out of their homes). The visit to the doctor became frequent inspite a complusory flu-shot.

Then came the exciting part "the christmas holidays". We planned to visit the Disney land, florida. we flew down to florida, spent four days there, had fun in the Disney World. I do not want to write more about this trip here as it would take the whole page...... We missed the first Snow storm of the year in new jersey as we were in florida. While on our way back from the airport we saw heaps and heaps of snow piled up on the road sides. They keep cleaning the snow every now and then for a safe traffic. We reached home only to find that our drive way was covered with ice that was slippery and hard to walk.....we somehow managed to get in the house without falling down. Next morning started the shovelling job...OMG still feel the back pain......snow is cute to watch but not to clean :((....... I felt life here is tuff :)........ Driving in the snow and ice was yet another challenge.....the tyres would not hear to us....we turn right and they go left......funny when i think abt it now.

Then there were snow storms every now and then. Kids played once or twice in the snow...Now i felt a little like the charm was all over for the snow.....we waited for the winter to get over (that is what many people wait here for). february was the shortest month but the winter made it looong, then march marched by. Here came April, the official spring?????, but where was the was still coooold. But all four seasons dawned for me when I met my god mother (smt.Sudha ragunathan), in the cleveland thyagaraja aradhana.......Our first looooong drive enjoyed every bit of it........The major milestone in our life, (bringing parents to the US) came true. Here they are at the close of April. We were kind of used to the chillness by now and could go out without jackets, but they still felt the winter of Delhi here in the spring of New Jersey.

We started taking them places temples, washington, malls and restaurants. Here came the summer, my little devils :) expecting their vacation. Finally, they are here. They started enoying and I started worrying "how in the world am i going to manage these little mischevious kids home full - time?". Thought that my parents would have also felt the same. I know my kids are smart enough to manage their mom, that too mow with the support of grandpa and grandma.

Then the most awaited trip of everyone in the US "The Niagara Falls", it was a dream come true for me. Never in my life would forget this massive beauty. The saying "too much of something is not good" was proved false for the first time ever in my life. TOOOO much water, the niagara, massive, stunning, amazing, maravellous and what not. Scintillating experience that will last till our last breath. Had an untimate experience.

Then there I am writing my journey "to" and "in" the US on the completion of one year in this American soil. Experience is a the greatest teacher in one's life, itteaches us so many things that no books, teachers, parents, friends do not impart. I learnt a lot in this experience, enjoyed a lot, had a few ups and downs...but I feel that all these have develpoed a boost in my self-confidence and let me find "my space" which i had been searching for quite sometime..........

Crossing fingers for a better and fun filled future and an even more interesting journey to continue.. :D

Monday, July 11, 2011

Stepping on to the 2nd :D

The Life in US

It was a totally different environment for all of us, a little not so new for my hubby who had been here on and off on his official trips. Still it was very much different for him also having his family with him and being here long term. The much greener and cleaner environment, american english, the people all were absolutely new. On entering the hotel a very good friend of us invited us for dinner, we were supposed to be there by 8pm but in the hands of jet lag we went to sleep at 3.30pm and woke up only around 8.30pm........still didnt want to get out of the bed....poor hosts they gave us a wake-up call n then we rushed to their place. Had very good food there. Kids hadnt seen food during the whole course of travel so even the curd rice became their "favourite" that day.

The following day we went to have a look at our house along with another friend of ours and met the landlord a very good lady, only then I came to know that i was once more going to live in a calm, cleaner and greener "Mini India." The people in our community were mostly indians, actually all parts of india. We were not aliens in this community rather the Americans were aliens here. Wow, was the word that I felt on looking at the house, but the devil in me said "ha ha u will have a tuff time maintaining such a big one", very true (that too for indians who are used to the maid culture). It had soo much space in the front and the highlight was the beauticul backyard. We  did the "milk boiling" ceremony stuff and were going to get into the house in a week.

The day continued with shopping the essentials for a household. I felt as if a newly married ;p getting into a house shopping right from a door mat to LED TV. Our packages rom india were waiting for me in a corner of the house asking me "when are you going to open me"? Lack of sleep and improper food timings were making me an even more lazy person than I was. But the best part was all of us were feeling the same, so i could do all those at my own pace without having to haste. Slowly we were getting used to the timings, neigbhours, even the cooking range, which was very much new to me.

We started making friends. There are so many kids here so my kutties were having a great time playing around. The worst (best) part was the day was sooo long here by the time i start to feel that i have to make dinner, it wud be already 8pm. Luckily kids were co-operative so cud do something to fill the stomach.We started to get to know people here. My hubby's few good old tamil friends got in touch, i must mention this set of people to move with had and have real fun. We understood what pot-luck was all about and we went on an outing to delware and pensyvannia areas with these people, our first sight seeing in the US. Had fun time.

The school system is something that i was amazed with. In india we used to consider govt school to be the so so moderate ones. Here the majority of kids are the govt school which is called the public school kids. But they wait till 5yrs for hte kid to get into K grade. My son was put into the home school (the school alloted to our are) and my daughter to a near by play school. Do i have to mention that we got into a routine?......

To be continued....... :)

First Year :)

Jul 11 2010 - 5pm
Here i am doing the last minute packing, double checking the huuge boxes, attending phone calls from kith n kin wishing us a happy bonvoyage......thrilled, excited, confused, many more inexpressible emotions changing every minute as the clock keeps finally around 5pm i was a little confident that i had almost done with my packing....zipped up two boxes after sooo many follow ups from my hubby who wanted me to be done with at least one box as we were supposed to leave in another 5hrs. The thought of going to be in a different soil altogether and the pride in going to be in an international flight still take the first place..the feeling of missing the near and dear physically was taking its kids were even more excited not even knowing where the country is. All they knew was the were going to be on a Biig flight to the USA.

Jul 11 2010 - 6pm
Hey "gayathri, gayathriiiiii"..........people crying out frantically for me"..................what is happening?........i came rushing to the room only to find my little one throwing badly......and almost exhausted. Oh my God!!...what in the heaven is happening?.....we are supposed to leave in a few hours....i told myself "keep calm,think, then act"......back to my senses, i cleaned up the kid pacified her and gave her the medicine only to find that she was throwing again and again.........Now we made up our mind to rush to a doctor. The pediatrician advised us to rush to the hospital and have her checked and administered with medicines to help us travel with this kid.....we were in a position where in we cudnt cancel or postpone the trip. Took the kid the hospital, poor one was given an injection and was fully drained. she was running temperature but was not throwing anymore.

Jul 11 - 2010 - 11pm - 3.30am
Waving bye to all the people at home we left for the airport with our parents accompanying us, crossing fingers and hoping things wud get better. We bid adieu and entered the queue for the boarding pass. Suddenly i felt someone pulling my dress, my elder one was standing behind me closing his mouth with his hand which made me go pale in fear. "Yes he was throwing". With a big question to God "Why this to me?" i cleaned him up and proceeded for the immigration, security check, and were in the lounge waiting for our boarding call. By now both stopped throwing up but were exhausted, tired and sleepy. Still caught by the excitement and thrill above all the fear that the kids shud have a safe travel we headed to the boarding gate at 3.30am.

Jul 12 2010
With the kids not being well and all the mixed feelings still dancing to their own tunes we were here stepping out from the flight in the "John F Kennedy airport, New York". Ahhh!! we somehow made it till her inspite of all the obstacles me and my hubby told each other exchanging a big Hi 5. It was a loong wait in the customs and immigration line and all of us were already in the hands of the monster called "jet lag". Finally, we made it to the exit and boarded the car to New Jersey. The drive was great, everything was new, greenish as it was just the start of summer here in the US. We reached out hotel where we stayed for a week before our home was being handed over to us.

We landed in the US, puzzled with the question lingering in our minds "How is our life going to be in this altogether a new land where we dont know anyone but for a few colleagues?"......All we did was said to ourselves "Lets make it better and enjoyable"........

DID WE? ......

Will tell you all in my following post as this one is getting a bit toooo long :P

Friday, July 8, 2011

Marriage :)) - what is is all about?

This is a mail that i received ......i enjoyed reading this stuff....hope you all also enjoy this......

In a relationship, married or not... YOU SHOULD READ THIS!
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outsidethe door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011


12, 123, 345, 456, 795, 131, oh god! nothing good here :( change the input mode...hdmi 1......again 62, 43,585,700 etc., nothing here also :(( too bad....what else to do.....oh the library book is lying here in the same shelf for more than two weeks now....let me  have a look at it.......first page, second page, bigggg yawn.....i dont know why right from my school days.....i take in a book in hand u feel a lullaby sung in the ears and feel like sleeping immediately......ok no books....not sleeping time still......come kids, lets play something.......snakes n ladders, words building, tennis, badminton.....our kids are more confused than us at the time they decide the charm to play goes off........ok kids no mood to play play the laptop....fb, gtalk, msn, yahoo, may contacts yet none online......Hindu, Indian express, ndtv, cnn on the net........same old news ....nothing new.


Good idea.......Pick up the phone and pass on this blade to someone else so that they start bleeding from their ears. friend 1 "hey sorry i have guests at home right now....will call u in sometime".....disconnected.....friend 2 "hello no one is available to take your call..kindly leave your message".......thinking of swami vivekanada's words "try try try till you succeed"... :p friend 3 "hey im outside in a party cant hear you...catch u later"......this even more worse......


oh great idea....come on yaar you have people waiting to read your blog....every worst thing that you write...(cud see you going furious).......this is how this post came into this blog......seriously bored....seems like the whole world is enjoying with me having nothing to do while having so much to do....i know many dont have this option of even writing the blog......that is ok....decided to write but what to write?......once again no answer......why not write the same boring sure all of you would have gone through this same feeling in your life every now and then...what did u who is reading this blog do?.....send me your comments as to what you did?....lets us see how many have succeeded in this war with this bored feeling..........

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Kumbabhishekam triggers Kavalai (sadness)

On a perfect Sunday morning with a cloudy sky greeting us Gudmorning we all were curious to attend the  Siva & Parivara Mahakumbhabhishekam of the of the Lord Venkateswara Temple, Bridgewater, NJ. We have seen many of such happenings in our homeland but attending one here in New Jersey was a different experience. Having a steaming hot Venpongal and gothusu for breakfast we all left for the kumbhabhishekam which was to be performed at 11am. You bet we are Indians and we respect the Indian punctuality, we reached there around 11.30. We thought that parking would become a nightmare and we have to walk down quite a stretch to reach the temple from the parking space that we find....To our surprise we saw sign boards leading us to the parking lot specifically arranged by the temple authorities for this occasion. They have arranged a huge parking lot that belonged to a official complex. Parking is fine....but will we have to walk almost half a mile to the temple from the parking lot? this was the next question that stood up on our mind as we were nearing the parking area. Just then came the answer "a bright yellow school bus". The authorities have arranged for a free shuttle service to and from the parking to the temple.So thoughtful of the authorities..hatss off to them

Later on we entered the temple and were asked to sit in a place till the poojas were over. A peetathipathi by name "Siddeshwarananda" gave a small speech in which he praised the temple authorities and the religious tolerance in America for permitting the temple authorities arrange for a helicopter shower flowers over the temple during the time of kumbhabhishekam (unlike in our own hyderabad, where permission was denied for a similar request). By now the alankaram was over and sannadhi was open for the maha deeparathana or aarthi. There were closed circuit cameras that were giving a better view to the devotees like us who were not near the sannadhi to watch it. It was more like watching a cricket match sitting in your sofa. The view was better and clear. Later on they honored all members who did a great job for this event and distributed prasadhams.

Then came our turn to receive the prasadams. They were well organised and asked each and every devotee to have lunch that was provided by the temple free of cost. It was a massive level annadhanam considering the fact that this is not India, where is u get funds from so many people. Coming to the lunch, it was again calm and peacefully organised with three counters serving bottled drinking water, hot keasri, sambar rice and curd rice. The quantity and the quality of the food was not just for the sake of the annadhanam but was really appreciable. Over all we had the feel of witnessing a Hindu event that was appreciably religious, well performed, well organised in the American soil.

The strong feeling that i personally had was, why is this not happening the same way in India?.....We dont have to hire helicopters to shower flowers, but why do our authorities lack caring about the parking, organising, cleanliness and coordination. I understand that the number of people who attended this event here in the US is very small when compared to the our prominent temples in India, but still when there is a real big occasion like this both the public and the authorities fail to stand up to the situation. Is it the lack of awareness, responsibility or the feeling of i care a damn for my fellow human being?

Why not our Political leaders and officials take interest in educating the people about our responsibilities and duty as a citizen and fellow human being. Along with inheriting the fashion, food and less important things from the western culture we should start inheriting their qualities like discipline, personal and public hygiene, cleanliness, caring for the country / society, the feeling of my country (that which many of us only have during an indo-pak cricket match) and the way they respect the traffic rules and their fellow human beings.

Many of you who know me well might think "this is the effect of living in US for a year now". Not really. This is a pain that every Indian feels when they see their country lacking these fundamental things that boost up the value of our life. Our leaders and officials who concentrate on bringing the western companies and infrastructure should also think about these basic things tho keep up the pride of our nation....We public should also cooperate with the government....."National discipline can only be achieved only when personal discipline is followed strictly".

Lets start with small things like not throwing trash on the road, not wasting water, not spitting in public places, conserving energy, following traffic rules and above all considering the country like one's own house. Next time you see someone who fails to do this walk up to them and start educating them to do it...if 50 people ignore one will follow...that will trigger a change.

I have deviated from what i started and where i am now. But this is not the deviation...this was what i really felt on my way back home from the temple.....Lets promise to make this world a better place to live for the generation that is looking up to us for a healthy and prosperous living......Jai Hind!!!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

எங்கே செல்கிறது பாரதம்?

"செந்தமிழ் நாடெனும் போதினிலே இன்ப தேன் வந்து பாயுது காதினிலே" என்றான் முண்டாசு கவிஞன் பாரதி. இன்றைய தமிழ் நாட்டின் நிலை என்ன, என்று யாராவது கேட்டால்

      "செந்தமிழ் நாடெனும் போதினிலே ஊழல் செய்திகள் வந்து பாயுது காதினிலே" என்று தான் சொல்வார்கள். எத்தனை எத்தனை மேதைகள் பிறந்த பொன்னாடு நம் செந்தமிழ் நாடு. இன்று ஊழலின் பிறப்பிடமாய் பிற மாநிலத்தார் கண்டு முகம் சுழிக்கும் அளவிற்கு செய்துவிட்டார்கள்.
      இமயமலை தொடர்ச்சி எங்கள் நாட்டின் பெருமைகளில் ஒன்று என்று தலை தூக்கி நிமிர்ந்து நின்ற காலம் மாறிப்போய் இமாலய ஊழல்களினால் தலை குனிந்து தமிழன் என்று சொல்லவே சங்கடப்பட்டுக் கொண்டிருக்கும் காலம் ஆகி விட்டது இன்று. எந்த ஒரு ஏமாற்று வேலையும் செய்பவர்கள் இன்று ஆயிரங்களில் யோசிப்பது கூட இல்லை. இந்த விஷயத்தை பற்றி எழுத வேண்டும் என்கிற உந்துதல் கூட சென்ற வாரம் ஒரு தனி மனிதன் செய்த 50 கோடி ஊழலை செய்திகளில் கேட்ட பின்பு தான். உண்மை நம் தி.மூ.கவின் இமாலய ஊழலுக்கு முன்னால் இந்த ஐம்பது கோடி ஒரு பொருட்டே அல்ல. அனால் இதை செய்தவன் அரசியல் செல்வாக்கு இல்லாமல் செய்திருக்க  முடியாது என்றாலும் ஒரு சாதாரண மனிதன் கூட கோடிகளில் தான் சிந்திக்கிறான் என்று நினைக்கும்போது மனம் ஏற்க மறுக்கிறது.
    இதை செய்கிற துணிச்சலும் தைரியமும் எப்படி வருகிறது இவர்களுக்கு? இவர்களை தண்டிக்க வழிகளே இல்லையா? கண்டிப்பாக இருக்கும் இருக்கிறது. ஆனால் அதிலும் ஊழல் தை விரித்து ஆடுகிறது. கைதான 3 மணிநேரத்தில் ஜாமீனில் வெளியில் வந்து சிரித்துகொண்டே புகைப்படங்களுக்கு போஸ் கொடுக்கும் வெட்கம்கெட்ட ஜென்மங்களை பார்கத்தான் செய்கிறோம். மண்ணெண்ணெய், அரிசி, பருப்பு, இவற்றிற்கு எல்லாம் சாலை மறியல், கடை அடைப்பு என்று எழுச்சி கொள்ளும் மக்கள் இந்த ஊழல்களை கண்டு பொங்க மறந்து விடுகிறார்கள். தமிழனின் மிக சிறந்த பண்புகளில் ஒன்று மறப்பது மன்னிப்பதும். அதனால் தானோ என்னவோ மக்கள் இது போன்ற இமாலய ஊழல்களை கூட மறந்துவிடுகிறார்கள் .
ஊழல்களுக்கு அதிகபட்ச தண்டனை என்ற நிலை வந்தால் தான் இது போன்ற ஏமாற்றுகாரர்களுக்கு பயம் ஏற்படும். ஏனென்றால் இவர்குளுக்கு மனசாட்சி, இறைவன் இவர்களுக்கு எல்லாம் பயமே கிடையாது.
    "நெஞ்சு பொறுக்கு திலையே - இந்த
      நிலை கெட்ட மனிதரை நினைத்துவிட்டால்
      அஞ்சி அஞ்சி சாவார் - இவர்
     அஞ்சாத பொருள் இல்லை அவனியிலே" என்று பாடிய பாரதி இன்று இருந்தால் இப்படித் தான் பாடி இருப்பார்
       "நெஞ்சு போருக்கு திலையே - இந்த
         நிலை கெட்ட மனிதரை நினைத்துவிட்டால்
         ஊழலுக்கு மேல் ஊழல் செய்வார் - இவர்
        அஞ்சும் பொருள் இல்லை அவனியிலே" என்று இரத்த கண்ணீர் வடித்திருப்பான்.
    நாட்டிற்காக தனது சொந்த சொத்துகளை விற்று நன்மை செய்த நம் முன்னோர்கள் எங்கே? தான் சொத்து மதிப்பை உயர்த்துவதற்காக நாடியே சூறையாடி நிலை குலையச்செய்யும் இந்த பகல் கொள்ளைகாரர்கள்
 எங்கே. இதற்கான தீர்வு தான் என்ன. தேர்தலில் தோற்கடித்து விட்டால் போதுமா? அல்லது கைது செய்துவிட்டால் போதுமா? வழக்கை தக்க சமயத்தில் முடித்து தகுந்த தண்டனை கொடுத்தால் மட்டுமே இது போன்ற தவறுகள் பிற்காலத்தில் நடைபெறாமல் தடுக்க முடியும். "தண்டனைகள் கடுமையானால் தான் குற்றங்கள் குறையும்". தண்டனைகள் வழங்கப்படும் வரை மக்கள் இவைகளை மறக்காமல் இருக்க வேண்டுமே?
    அரசன் அன்று கொல்வான் தெய்வம் நின்று கொல்லும் என்பார்கள்.....இங்கோ நாடாளும் அரசர்களே கொள்ளையடித்துக் கொண்டிருக்கும்போது தெய்வம் மட்டுமே இவர்களுக்கு தண்டனை வழங்க வர வேண்டும், வருமா அல்லது இது போன்ற ஏமாற்றுப் பேர்வழிகளை படைத்தமைக்காக வெட்கி பாரதத்தின் பக்கம் தலை காட்டாமல் போய்விடுமா? பொறுத்திருந்து பார்ப்போம், இன்னும் என்னவெல்லாம் மிச்சம் இருக்கிறது தமிழகத்தை சீர்குலைக்க?

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Silence - A great punishment?

What could be the greatest punishment that can be given to a human being? Is it the death sentence or imprisonment or banishment (being expelled from ur place) or anything that is considered to be brutal or cruel under law? These kinds of punishments are physical tortures or discomforts.  According to me the biggest punishment that could be given to an individual is ignoring him / her or silence.

Silence is golden but it is not just about keeping one’s mouth shut. It is a language without words. This language like any other has the most gentle and harsh words in it. That is why I believe that silence is the greatest weapon that can be used for a suicide or murder. How do you feel when u want to avoid an argument that you think could end up in problems. The best way is to let the opponent speak and remain silent. But on the other hand remaining silent and running away from a problem can also worsen the situation to a large extent.

This is where every single person accepts the fact that “life is the greatest teacher of all times”. How do we know when to speak up or remain silent? We all must have been in situations where we should have remained silent and did speak a lot and in a situation where we should have spoken and did remain silent. As a result of which the situation had worsened. Here I remember a quote “do not speak unless you can improve the silence”.

Silence is a great master by itself. It teaches us many things in life. When we are left at silence we retrospect all that had happened in our life. Many of which may make us feel proud or happy for what we did and many of which may make us feel sorry or ashamed for our action. That is why Josh Billings said “Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute”.

One minute of silence has a hundred meaning than an hour o speech. Silence helps one to know their inner-self. That is why Leroy Brownlow said “There are times when silence has the loudest voice”. You speak to yourself when you experience silence. Silence can be a stress - buster or a stress – booster. It depends on the individual to decide whether to remain silent or speak up.

Here are some of my favourite quotes on silence

You hesitate to stab me with a word, and know not - silence is the sharper sword.   - Samuel Johnson

Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart – unknown

True silence is the rest of the mind; it is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment. ~William Penn

I have often lamented that we cannot close our ears with as much ease as we can our eyes. ~Richard Steele

In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in an clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth. ~Mahatma Gandhi

We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass - grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence.... We need silence to be able to touch souls. ~Mother Teresa

Monday, May 23, 2011

Boon or Bane?

What is a boon?........ Boon as per the dictionary means “benefit or advantage or gain or godsend or bonus or blessing.  And what is a Bane?.... "nuisance or misery or curse or bother or irritation or annoyance". So what am I talking about here?. Could something be both a boon and a bane. Many of you would think, how is that even possible? Both are opposites. When one exists the other one does not. But in our day to day life we meet so many situations that bring many of us to this confusion.

The confusion that I am trying to put in here is the  “attitude to adjust and compromise with others for Good”. So when we talk about adjusting we all think it is just an attitude or a characteristic of an individual. Does this characteristic come up so easily? We have heard people say “hey u look like your father/mother, you resemble your parent very much in everything you do”. Likewise, I think this attitude of compromising or adjusting is virtue that comes to us from our parents. Are parents the only people who are responsible to cultivate this virtue in a child? No, even though the parents are the main reason for a child’s characteristic development, the society also plays a major role in a child’s characteristic development.

But the learning process of this attitude starts from the parents and is carried on to a major extent through the parents. A kid tries to and starts to imitate all that his/ her parents do. In the same way the attitude of compromising and adjusting oneself to a situation is something that the kid learns from its parents. He/ she see the parent compromising on something to maintain peace and happiness among family and friends.

Although we are proud that we have passed on a great virtue to our kids, I somewhere in the corner of my mind have a feeling that are we teaching them to be “fools”, who can be “taken for granted”.  Now-a-days many people do not want to give up their ego and they stick on to it to claim respect from others. I have seen my own kids being fooled just because they are accommodative. But I do not know how to teach them “not to be fooled”. Once if I do that then, they would not think about adjusting or compromising with others.

My kids ask me “why should I always adjust with others?” and “why don’t they adjust with me?”. I do not have an answer to this question. I only think to myself that “their parents must not have been an example to them”. All these are fine. The question that keeps hitting my mind always is – “Am I being taken for granted?” or rather all those in this world who follow this virtue seriously will have this question in mind. It feels hurting or even pushes oneself to the threshold of patience when the person gives in to so many things and at last one finds that “he/ she is being taken for granted”.

All that keeps people with this virtue up and running is that feeling of satisfaction that fills when we realize that we have done something good that many of them still do not even give a try. I had this very same feeling when my son was given the “most compassionate kid award” for two consecutive terms in his school… I then had a realization that “good things don’t go waste”. I am reminded of the essence of Bhagavad gita “Do your duty and go do not worry about the fruits of your actions”….

I keep telling my kids and to myself “there is none who lived a great life by being stubborn, egoistic and self-centered” and “there is none who didn’t get a good name, fame and respect among people by adjusting and compromising with others for good”

If I were to put it in very simple words in Tamil “வீராப்பாக வாழந்தவனும் கிடையாது, விட்டுக் கொடுத்து கெட்டவனும் கிடையாது." விட்டுக் கொடுப்போம் உயர்வாக வாழ்வோம்.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Day in a Girl's Life

Life is full of changes, some are for good and some are for bad, and some are out of our control...... Particularly the life of a girl(but for a very few) changes drastically after her marriage......A girl blooms to be a totally different character who is shouldered with responsibilities, some of which she herself loves to do and some which she doesn't have a choice.....I just thought of my own and also of those whom i met, lived with or heard of......this is a blog that came up from that thoughts. A witty and lighter-side change that a girl goes through after getting into the role of a wife, daughter-in-law, mother, sister-in-law etc, etc,....

Here starts the change

Getting Up :
  • Before - (time 9.00am) - Her mom cries "hey you get up its 9 already......reply is "yes mom will be there in 5 min (30 min runaway)
  • After - (time 5.35am) - Oh my God!!!  ......Im ten mins late today........ :(

Brushing n coffee :
  • Before -  Mom cries 10times then she goes for brushing.........comes back straight to the sofa .."mom where is my coffee"
  • After - why am i feeling a headache "Oh god i forgot my coffee.......makes coffee for all the rest who are awake and then prepares one for herself......
Breakfast :
  • Before - "Mom how long will you take to get the starving"
  • After - "Oh my its already 10am now let me skip my breakfast"
Taking Bath:
  • Before - Mom cries - "its already 1pm go take ur bath n come for lunch" times this incident never happens also... :p
  • After - This normally happens even before breakfast.........if not atleast before 8am
Going to Work / College :
  • Before- Mom where is pen, my lunch box, my dhuppatta, this, that.....finally rushes to catch the bus......
  • After - "pack ur lunch, here is your pencil, Here is your laptop bag, your tie, your books, your socks,etc...etc...etc.... atlast pushes everyone out of the house right in time to their places.....if the girl still works........rushes as usual to catch her bus......
Lunch :
  • Before - "Beans subji, this dish, I dont like.....let me make noodles or order pizza for me"
  • After - Oh sooo much Beans subji left?.......let me bring down the quantity of rice and eat this beans"
  • Before - Throws her handbags, mobile etc...etc... on the sofa....."Mom gimme a hot coffee im damn tired"
  • After - Feels like resting a bit after cleaning the whole house......but remembers about the family coming back from their places.....gets the snack ready, has the milk ready.....looks after the kids' homework....never ending......"wont this evening last for two more hours i have chores to finish"
  • Before - Time 8pm - calls out from the sofa "Mom can u get my dinner favourite Show is on......i cant come to the table........dinner goes on for an hour till the show ends....with a to be continued"
  • After - Time 10pm - let me finish this dinner fast and clean the dishes, get things ready for tomorrow......
Going to Bed:
  • Before - Time 11pm - Music runs on the background.....hugs her teddy bear and goes to sleep.....hoping atleast tomorrow she can stay in the bed till 10am...Mom comes to her room n shuts off her room light, music and kisses her gudnite......
  • After - Same 11pm - Kisses her kids gudnite, shuts off their room lights, give them a hug and atlast hits the bed and falls asleep hoping that tomorrow wud be a better day where in there will be no hurry because of the ten minute delay in getting up........
Even though all these drastic changes take place in a girl's life with no single minute to think about herself or spend for herself......the inner feeling of being the sole person who takes care of the whole family gives a pride and the love and affection that she has towards her own family lets her enjoy her own world....and giving her the feeling of being a contended "WOMAN".

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

God Mother - Confusion Cleared......

God closes one door but opens another one. It is for us to rush our way thru the other door before it closes. Good that I made a good decision to rush thru the other door….. The door that opened was exorbitantly joyful, gleaming with love and affection, compassionate, unassuming, legendary and what not….. I still do not know whether to thank or curse God for this phase of my life……..

God took away my mom who got me into this world through one door and handed me over to this great lady my God mother on the other door….. Many people still ask me what is that which makes you call her your “God Mother”. I honestly would like to ask them a small question “why do you people love your mother?”…. Does anyone in the world have an answer to that…. Same is the case with me…You are wandering in a desert for many days what would you think is the greatest thing that you would want that very moment? Unanimous answer would be “a sip of water”. My feeling towards my Godmother was the same she was that sip of water who saved my life when I was wandering in a desert of loneliness after losing my mom.

When I realized that she was going to be light of my life, she never sat down with me, had not cooked for me or we both were not even known to each other nor had seen her in person from yards away or had communicated to her thorough the various means of communications that are available to us. But still she was my Godmother….. Her voice, the music that she rendered in her audio cassettes gave me that mental and moral support that I needed the most when I lost my mom. She slowly started to fill the place of my mother mentally and morally… Her voice helped me overcome the darkness and heaviness that filled my mind and brain. She was my light at the end of the tunnel.

That voice gave me the strength to face this world without a mother and go on with my responsibilities that I had to carry on my shoulders when I was barely 17yrs of age. I started sharing the happiness and sorrow with that voice. Not to say I felt that my mom was standing next to me and listening to me every single line that I spoke with the audio cassette…. That was what I needed most during that phase of my life…..

Later on, God felt sorry for being so cruel to me and gave me a chance to talk to this great lady. She is a gem, I can’t say more I would need the whole dictionary to describe this great soul. She was far far away from my reach. But the moment she picked up the phone call on the other side it was the start of a journey filled with true love, affection, care, joy, scintillating moments and so on…… It was start of the Golden Era of my life….

From then on the journey with my Godmother was a path of roses, rather rose petals… She led me through the toughest times of my life with her compassion and affection. I was just a layman fan when I spoke to her first. She was so loving and caring towards me to the extent that she considered me as one in the family. That love and affection did not stop with her the whole family of hers considered me as one in the family. Her daughter who was then a kid was a main reason in getting closer to her. I would spend hours in her house day in and day out. That was a period when I found myself a proud human being.

By God’s grace and her same unconditional love towards me my Godmother still continues to give me the same strength and mental comfort (but now I’m receiving them in abundance) that keeps me running.

Mam, Tomorrow (18th May) being a great day in my life, I dedicate this to you for giving me not only that I needed but taking care of me like my own mom amidst sooo many people who have experienced your  love and warmth in a plenty. Tomorrow May 18th is the day when I spoke to you for the first time over phone. This is when the beautiful journey of mine with you, which was a sapling till then, started to grow in to a giant tree in your flowing love and warmth.
My God Mother is none other than the great singer Smt.Sudha Ragunathan

Thank you would be very small word to conclude this post.

God Mother...........

A Godmother is a gift
sent from heaven above
bringing kisses and hugs
and never ending love

Some people might have experienced the truth in the above lines in their life…and among those few is me the luckiest person who found my God Mother during the unlucky period of my life…..Too much confusing is it…….? That was how I also felt later on when I sat in silence and went down the memory lane…..
And this is what my next post is going to be all about......wait till tomorrow to clear the confusion.....
Have a Great Day!!! :)

Monday, May 16, 2011

A mother's day message to my mom....after 30yrs of life as a daughter......

இது என்  முதல் எழுத்துப்பயிற்சி. கட்டுரைகள் கதைகள் எல்லாம் பள்ளி காலத்தோடு மறந்து போன சில விஷயங்கள். இன்று சும்மா இருக்கும் நேரத்தில் மறுபடியும் பள்ளி பருவத்து பாடங்களை புரட்டி பார்க்கலாமே என்று ஒரு ஆசை.

எழுதுவது என்று முடிவு செய்து விட்டேன் எதை பற்றி எழுதுவது.என்று மூளையை கசக்கி பிழிந்ததும் நினைவுக்கு வந்தது இந்த தலைப்பு தான். மாதா என்றால்  அன்னை. ஆம் எங்கள் வாழ்வில் பாதியிலேயே எங்களிடம் இருந்து பறிக்கப்பட்ட பொக்கிஷம். எங்கேயோ கேட்ட நினைவு உண்டு "கடவுளுக்கு தமக்கு அன்பிற்கு குறைபாடு வரும்போது எல்லாம் நல்லவர்களை தன்னிடம் அழைத்து விடுவது உண்டாம்"...............அப்படி கடவுளுக்கே அன்பிற்கு தட்டுபாடு வந்த பொழுது அழைத்து செல்லப்பட்டவள் எங்கள் அன்னை திருமதி. சரஸ்வதி.

சரஸ்வதி என்ற பெயருக்கு தகுந்தார் போல் படிப்பில் வல்லவளாக தான் இருந்ததாக சொல்லுவார்  என் தாதா. படிப்பில் மட்டும் அல்ல ஓவியங்கள் வரைதல், கை வேலைபாடுகள் என பல கலைகளில் நாட்டம் உள்ளவர். "கண் பார்ப்பதை கை செய்யும் என்பார்களே அதற்கு உதாரணமாக  என் அம்மாவை சொல்லலாம். உடல் நலம் குன்றிய நிலையிலும் கூட வீட்டு வாசல்களில் போடும் தாம்புக்கயிற்றினால் ஆன மிதியடியை செய்ய கற்றுக் கொண்டது இன்னும் என் நினைவில் இருக்கிறது. அப்பொழுது எல்லாம் நான் கிண்டல் கூட பண்ணியது உண்டு.....நீ இப்போ மிதியடி செய்ஞ்சு போட்டு  தான் எல்லாரும் வீட்டுக்குள்ளே வரனுமா? முடியாத பொழுது வேண்டாத வேலை எதுக்கு என்று கேலி பேசியது உண்டு.........

நிழலின் அருமை வெயிலில் தானே தெரியும்........அப்படி தான் எங்களுக்கும் "அன்னையின் அருமை அவள் மறைவுக்கு பின் தான் எங்களுக்கு புரிந்தது...........இன்று நானும் ஒரு அன்னை......என் அம்மா எனக்கு எப்படியோ அப்படி தான் நான் என்னுடைய பிள்ளைகளுக்கும்.......... அம்மா இன்று சொல்லுவது எல்லாம் வேண்டாதவைகளாகவ தெரிகிறது. எனக்கு மட்டும் அல்ல அனேகமாக உலகத்தில் உள்ள எல்லா  பிள்ளைகளுக்கும் அப்படி தான் இருக்கும்.

எங்கள் அம்மாவிடமிருந்து நாங்கள் கற்றுக்கொள்ளாமல் போன விஷயங்கள் ஏராளம். கற்றுகொண்டவை மிக கொஞ்சமே. இன்று அதே கைவினை கலைகளை பணம் கொடுத்து கற்று கொள்கிறோம். இணையதளங்களில் மணி கணக்கில் நேரம் செலவழித்து "youtube, google" என முகம் பெயர் கேட்டறியாத கேள்வி கூட பட்டிராத மக்களிடமிருந்து கற்று கொள்கிறோம், நானும் என் தங்கையும்........நாங்கள் இருவரும் அடிக்கடி  சொல்லிக்கொள்வது உண்டு...அம்மா பாவம் இதை எல்லாம் நமக்கு ஒவ்வொரு விடுமுறையிலும் சொல்லிக்  கொடுக்க முயற்சி செய்ஞ்சா நாம தான் டிமிக்கி கொடுத்து விட்டு ஓடி  போய் விடுவோமென்று  சொல்லிகொள்கிறோம்....

எத்தனை விதமான உணவு வகைகள். இப்படி எல்லாம் கூட இருக்கிறது என்று தெரியாத கால கட்டம் அது........அத்தனையையும் எங்கிருந்தோ கற்று வந்து செய்து பார்த்து மகிழ்ந்தது இன்று நினைவு வருகிறது.......பள்ளியில் ஒரு போட்டி வந்து விட்டால் போதும் எங்களுக்கு மரண தண்டனை தான் (இப்படி தான் நாங்கள் நினைத்தோம், இன்று என் பிள்ளைகளுக்கு அதே தண்டனையை நான் வாரி வாரி வழங்கி கொண்டிருக்கிறேன்). இப்படி எதையுமே விட்டு வைத்தது இல்லை......அப்படி பட்ட ஒரு அருமையான அம்மாவை திடீரென 14  ஆண்டுகள் முன்பு ஒரு அதிகாலை வேளையில் இழந்தோம்.....

இனி வருத்த பட்டாலும் கண்ணீர் விட்டு புலம்பினாலும்  எதுவும் மாறபோவது இல்லை.......என் அம்மா எனக்கு என்னவெல்லாம் கொடுத்தாளோ அதில் ஒரு அரை சதவிகிதமாவது என் பிள்ளைகளுக்கு நான் கொடுக்க வேண்டும் என்று எண்ணுகிறேன்.......

அம்மாவை பற்றி எழுதும் இந்த பக்கத்தில் என் அம்மாவிற்கு நிகராக எங்களை கண்ணும் கருத்துமாய் வளர்த்த, வளர்த்துகொண்டிருக்கும் எங்கள் பெரியம்மாவை பற்றி சொல்லாமல் போனால் அது ஒரு துரோகம்  என்றே சொல்ல வேண்டும்.......பெரியம்மாக்கள்  என்பதை விட அம்மாவின் வேறு தோற்றங்கள் என்றே சொல்ல வேண்டும்......இன்று வரை அவர்கள் முகம் சுழித்து பார்த்தது இல்லை எங்களை மற்றொரு வயிற்றில் பிறந்த பிள்ளைகளாக பார்த்ததும் இல்லை.  நான் பல முறை எங்கள் பெரியாம்மாக்களிடம் சொன்னது உண்டு.....நீங்கள் எல்லாரும் இருக்கும் தைரியத்தில்  தான் எங்களை விட்டு விட்டு சென்றாள் எங்கள் அம்மா என்று. அது வெறும் வார்த்தைகள் அல்ல பூரணமான உண்மை.......அம்மா இல்லாமல் எப்படி உலகில் ஜனித்திருக்க முடியாதோ அதே போல எங்கள் பெரியம்மாக்கள் இல்லாமல் உயிர்த்திருந்திருக்க முடியாமல் போயிருக்கும்  எங்களால்.

அன்னை என்பவள் எந்த வடிவில் இருந்தாலும் சரி அவள் தெய்வம் தான்..