Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Silence - A great punishment?

What could be the greatest punishment that can be given to a human being? Is it the death sentence or imprisonment or banishment (being expelled from ur place) or anything that is considered to be brutal or cruel under law? These kinds of punishments are physical tortures or discomforts.  According to me the biggest punishment that could be given to an individual is ignoring him / her or silence.

Silence is golden but it is not just about keeping one’s mouth shut. It is a language without words. This language like any other has the most gentle and harsh words in it. That is why I believe that silence is the greatest weapon that can be used for a suicide or murder. How do you feel when u want to avoid an argument that you think could end up in problems. The best way is to let the opponent speak and remain silent. But on the other hand remaining silent and running away from a problem can also worsen the situation to a large extent.

This is where every single person accepts the fact that “life is the greatest teacher of all times”. How do we know when to speak up or remain silent? We all must have been in situations where we should have remained silent and did speak a lot and in a situation where we should have spoken and did remain silent. As a result of which the situation had worsened. Here I remember a quote “do not speak unless you can improve the silence”.

Silence is a great master by itself. It teaches us many things in life. When we are left at silence we retrospect all that had happened in our life. Many of which may make us feel proud or happy for what we did and many of which may make us feel sorry or ashamed for our action. That is why Josh Billings said “Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute”.

One minute of silence has a hundred meaning than an hour o speech. Silence helps one to know their inner-self. That is why Leroy Brownlow said “There are times when silence has the loudest voice”. You speak to yourself when you experience silence. Silence can be a stress - buster or a stress – booster. It depends on the individual to decide whether to remain silent or speak up.

Here are some of my favourite quotes on silence

You hesitate to stab me with a word, and know not - silence is the sharper sword.   - Samuel Johnson

Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart – unknown

True silence is the rest of the mind; it is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment. ~William Penn

I have often lamented that we cannot close our ears with as much ease as we can our eyes. ~Richard Steele

In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in an clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth. ~Mahatma Gandhi

We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass - grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence.... We need silence to be able to touch souls. ~Mother Teresa

Monday, May 23, 2011

Boon or Bane?

What is a boon?........ Boon as per the dictionary means “benefit or advantage or gain or godsend or bonus or blessing.  And what is a Bane?.... "nuisance or misery or curse or bother or irritation or annoyance". So what am I talking about here?. Could something be both a boon and a bane. Many of you would think, how is that even possible? Both are opposites. When one exists the other one does not. But in our day to day life we meet so many situations that bring many of us to this confusion.

The confusion that I am trying to put in here is the  “attitude to adjust and compromise with others for Good”. So when we talk about adjusting we all think it is just an attitude or a characteristic of an individual. Does this characteristic come up so easily? We have heard people say “hey u look like your father/mother, you resemble your parent very much in everything you do”. Likewise, I think this attitude of compromising or adjusting is virtue that comes to us from our parents. Are parents the only people who are responsible to cultivate this virtue in a child? No, even though the parents are the main reason for a child’s characteristic development, the society also plays a major role in a child’s characteristic development.

But the learning process of this attitude starts from the parents and is carried on to a major extent through the parents. A kid tries to and starts to imitate all that his/ her parents do. In the same way the attitude of compromising and adjusting oneself to a situation is something that the kid learns from its parents. He/ she see the parent compromising on something to maintain peace and happiness among family and friends.

Although we are proud that we have passed on a great virtue to our kids, I somewhere in the corner of my mind have a feeling that are we teaching them to be “fools”, who can be “taken for granted”.  Now-a-days many people do not want to give up their ego and they stick on to it to claim respect from others. I have seen my own kids being fooled just because they are accommodative. But I do not know how to teach them “not to be fooled”. Once if I do that then, they would not think about adjusting or compromising with others.

My kids ask me “why should I always adjust with others?” and “why don’t they adjust with me?”. I do not have an answer to this question. I only think to myself that “their parents must not have been an example to them”. All these are fine. The question that keeps hitting my mind always is – “Am I being taken for granted?” or rather all those in this world who follow this virtue seriously will have this question in mind. It feels hurting or even pushes oneself to the threshold of patience when the person gives in to so many things and at last one finds that “he/ she is being taken for granted”.

All that keeps people with this virtue up and running is that feeling of satisfaction that fills when we realize that we have done something good that many of them still do not even give a try. I had this very same feeling when my son was given the “most compassionate kid award” for two consecutive terms in his school… I then had a realization that “good things don’t go waste”. I am reminded of the essence of Bhagavad gita “Do your duty and go do not worry about the fruits of your actions”….

I keep telling my kids and to myself “there is none who lived a great life by being stubborn, egoistic and self-centered” and “there is none who didn’t get a good name, fame and respect among people by adjusting and compromising with others for good”

If I were to put it in very simple words in Tamil “வீராப்பாக வாழந்தவனும் கிடையாது, விட்டுக் கொடுத்து கெட்டவனும் கிடையாது." விட்டுக் கொடுப்போம் உயர்வாக வாழ்வோம்.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Day in a Girl's Life

Life is full of changes, some are for good and some are for bad, and some are out of our control...... Particularly the life of a girl(but for a very few) changes drastically after her marriage......A girl blooms to be a totally different character who is shouldered with responsibilities, some of which she herself loves to do and some which she doesn't have a choice.....I just thought of my own and also of those whom i met, lived with or heard of......this is a blog that came up from that thoughts. A witty and lighter-side change that a girl goes through after getting into the role of a wife, daughter-in-law, mother, sister-in-law etc, etc,....

Here starts the change

Getting Up :
  • Before - (time 9.00am) - Her mom cries "hey you get up its 9 already......reply is "yes mom will be there in 5 min (30 min runaway)
  • After - (time 5.35am) - Oh my God!!!  ......Im ten mins late today........ :(

Brushing n coffee :
  • Before -  Mom cries 10times then she goes for brushing.........comes back straight to the sofa .."mom where is my coffee"
  • After - why am i feeling a headache "Oh god i forgot my coffee.......makes coffee for all the rest who are awake and then prepares one for herself......
Breakfast :
  • Before - "Mom how long will you take to get the breakfast.......im starving"
  • After - "Oh my its already 10am now let me skip my breakfast"
Taking Bath:
  • Before - Mom cries - "its already 1pm go take ur bath n come for lunch".......at times this incident never happens also... :p
  • After - This normally happens even before breakfast.........if not atleast before 8am
Going to Work / College :
  • Before- Mom where is pen, my lunch box, my dhuppatta, this, that.....finally rushes to catch the bus......
  • After - "pack ur lunch, here is your pencil, Here is your laptop bag, your tie, your books, your socks,etc...etc...etc.... atlast pushes everyone out of the house right in time to their places.....if the girl still works........rushes as usual to catch her bus......
Lunch :
  • Before - "Beans subji, this dish, I dont like.....let me make noodles or order pizza for me"
  • After - Oh sooo much Beans subji left?.......let me bring down the quantity of rice and eat this beans"
  • Before - Throws her handbags, mobile etc...etc... on the sofa....."Mom gimme a hot coffee im damn tired"
  • After - Feels like resting a bit after cleaning the whole house......but remembers about the family coming back from their places.....gets the snack ready, has the milk ready.....looks after the kids' homework....never ending......"wont this evening last for two more hours i have chores to finish"
  • Before - Time 8pm - calls out from the sofa "Mom can u get my dinner here.............my favourite Show is on......i cant come to the table........dinner goes on for an hour till the show ends....with a to be continued"
  • After - Time 10pm - let me finish this dinner fast and clean the dishes, get things ready for tomorrow......
Going to Bed:
  • Before - Time 11pm - Music runs on the background.....hugs her teddy bear and goes to sleep.....hoping atleast tomorrow she can stay in the bed till 10am...Mom comes to her room n shuts off her room light, music and kisses her gudnite......
  • After - Same 11pm - Kisses her kids gudnite, shuts off their room lights, give them a hug and atlast hits the bed and falls asleep hoping that tomorrow wud be a better day where in there will be no hurry because of the ten minute delay in getting up........
Even though all these drastic changes take place in a girl's life with no single minute to think about herself or spend for herself......the inner feeling of being the sole person who takes care of the whole family gives a pride and the love and affection that she has towards her own family lets her enjoy her own world....and giving her the feeling of being a contended "WOMAN".

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

God Mother - Confusion Cleared......

God closes one door but opens another one. It is for us to rush our way thru the other door before it closes. Good that I made a good decision to rush thru the other door….. The door that opened was exorbitantly joyful, gleaming with love and affection, compassionate, unassuming, legendary and what not….. I still do not know whether to thank or curse God for this phase of my life……..

God took away my mom who got me into this world through one door and handed me over to this great lady my God mother on the other door….. Many people still ask me what is that which makes you call her your “God Mother”. I honestly would like to ask them a small question “why do you people love your mother?”…. Does anyone in the world have an answer to that…. Same is the case with me…You are wandering in a desert for many days what would you think is the greatest thing that you would want that very moment? Unanimous answer would be “a sip of water”. My feeling towards my Godmother was the same she was that sip of water who saved my life when I was wandering in a desert of loneliness after losing my mom.

When I realized that she was going to be light of my life, she never sat down with me, had not cooked for me or we both were not even known to each other nor had seen her in person from yards away or had communicated to her thorough the various means of communications that are available to us. But still she was my Godmother….. Her voice, the music that she rendered in her audio cassettes gave me that mental and moral support that I needed the most when I lost my mom. She slowly started to fill the place of my mother mentally and morally… Her voice helped me overcome the darkness and heaviness that filled my mind and brain. She was my light at the end of the tunnel.

That voice gave me the strength to face this world without a mother and go on with my responsibilities that I had to carry on my shoulders when I was barely 17yrs of age. I started sharing the happiness and sorrow with that voice. Not to say I felt that my mom was standing next to me and listening to me every single line that I spoke with the audio cassette…. That was what I needed most during that phase of my life…..

Later on, God felt sorry for being so cruel to me and gave me a chance to talk to this great lady. She is a gem, I can’t say more I would need the whole dictionary to describe this great soul. She was far far away from my reach. But the moment she picked up the phone call on the other side it was the start of a journey filled with true love, affection, care, joy, scintillating moments and so on…… It was start of the Golden Era of my life….

From then on the journey with my Godmother was a path of roses, rather rose petals… She led me through the toughest times of my life with her compassion and affection. I was just a layman fan when I spoke to her first. She was so loving and caring towards me to the extent that she considered me as one in the family. That love and affection did not stop with her the whole family of hers considered me as one in the family. Her daughter who was then a kid was a main reason in getting closer to her. I would spend hours in her house day in and day out. That was a period when I found myself a proud human being.

By God’s grace and her same unconditional love towards me my Godmother still continues to give me the same strength and mental comfort (but now I’m receiving them in abundance) that keeps me running.

Mam, Tomorrow (18th May) being a great day in my life, I dedicate this to you for giving me not only that I needed but taking care of me like my own mom amidst sooo many people who have experienced your  love and warmth in a plenty. Tomorrow May 18th is the day when I spoke to you for the first time over phone. This is when the beautiful journey of mine with you, which was a sapling till then, started to grow in to a giant tree in your flowing love and warmth.
My God Mother is none other than the great singer Smt.Sudha Ragunathan

Thank you would be very small word to conclude this post.

God Mother...........

A Godmother is a gift
sent from heaven above
bringing kisses and hugs
and never ending love

Some people might have experienced the truth in the above lines in their life…and among those few is me the luckiest person who found my God Mother during the unlucky period of my life…..Too much confusing is it…….? That was how I also felt later on when I sat in silence and went down the memory lane…..
And this is what my next post is going to be all about......wait till tomorrow to clear the confusion.....
Have a Great Day!!! :)

Monday, May 16, 2011

A mother's day message to my mom....after 30yrs of life as a daughter......

இது என்  முதல் எழுத்துப்பயிற்சி. கட்டுரைகள் கதைகள் எல்லாம் பள்ளி காலத்தோடு மறந்து போன சில விஷயங்கள். இன்று சும்மா இருக்கும் நேரத்தில் மறுபடியும் பள்ளி பருவத்து பாடங்களை புரட்டி பார்க்கலாமே என்று ஒரு ஆசை.

எழுதுவது என்று முடிவு செய்து விட்டேன் எதை பற்றி எழுதுவது.என்று மூளையை கசக்கி பிழிந்ததும் நினைவுக்கு வந்தது இந்த தலைப்பு தான். மாதா என்றால்  அன்னை. ஆம் எங்கள் வாழ்வில் பாதியிலேயே எங்களிடம் இருந்து பறிக்கப்பட்ட பொக்கிஷம். எங்கேயோ கேட்ட நினைவு உண்டு "கடவுளுக்கு தமக்கு அன்பிற்கு குறைபாடு வரும்போது எல்லாம் நல்லவர்களை தன்னிடம் அழைத்து விடுவது உண்டாம்"...............அப்படி கடவுளுக்கே அன்பிற்கு தட்டுபாடு வந்த பொழுது அழைத்து செல்லப்பட்டவள் எங்கள் அன்னை திருமதி. சரஸ்வதி.

சரஸ்வதி என்ற பெயருக்கு தகுந்தார் போல் படிப்பில் வல்லவளாக தான் இருந்ததாக சொல்லுவார்  என் தாதா. படிப்பில் மட்டும் அல்ல ஓவியங்கள் வரைதல், கை வேலைபாடுகள் என பல கலைகளில் நாட்டம் உள்ளவர். "கண் பார்ப்பதை கை செய்யும் என்பார்களே அதற்கு உதாரணமாக  என் அம்மாவை சொல்லலாம். உடல் நலம் குன்றிய நிலையிலும் கூட வீட்டு வாசல்களில் போடும் தாம்புக்கயிற்றினால் ஆன மிதியடியை செய்ய கற்றுக் கொண்டது இன்னும் என் நினைவில் இருக்கிறது. அப்பொழுது எல்லாம் நான் கிண்டல் கூட பண்ணியது உண்டு.....நீ இப்போ மிதியடி செய்ஞ்சு போட்டு  தான் எல்லாரும் வீட்டுக்குள்ளே வரனுமா? முடியாத பொழுது வேண்டாத வேலை எதுக்கு என்று கேலி பேசியது உண்டு.........

நிழலின் அருமை வெயிலில் தானே தெரியும்........அப்படி தான் எங்களுக்கும் "அன்னையின் அருமை அவள் மறைவுக்கு பின் தான் எங்களுக்கு புரிந்தது...........இன்று நானும் ஒரு அன்னை......என் அம்மா எனக்கு எப்படியோ அப்படி தான் நான் என்னுடைய பிள்ளைகளுக்கும்.......... அம்மா இன்று சொல்லுவது எல்லாம் வேண்டாதவைகளாகவ தெரிகிறது. எனக்கு மட்டும் அல்ல அனேகமாக உலகத்தில் உள்ள எல்லா  பிள்ளைகளுக்கும் அப்படி தான் இருக்கும்.

எங்கள் அம்மாவிடமிருந்து நாங்கள் கற்றுக்கொள்ளாமல் போன விஷயங்கள் ஏராளம். கற்றுகொண்டவை மிக கொஞ்சமே. இன்று அதே கைவினை கலைகளை பணம் கொடுத்து கற்று கொள்கிறோம். இணையதளங்களில் மணி கணக்கில் நேரம் செலவழித்து "youtube, google" என முகம் பெயர் கேட்டறியாத கேள்வி கூட பட்டிராத மக்களிடமிருந்து கற்று கொள்கிறோம், நானும் என் தங்கையும்........நாங்கள் இருவரும் அடிக்கடி  சொல்லிக்கொள்வது உண்டு...அம்மா பாவம் இதை எல்லாம் நமக்கு ஒவ்வொரு விடுமுறையிலும் சொல்லிக்  கொடுக்க முயற்சி செய்ஞ்சா நாம தான் டிமிக்கி கொடுத்து விட்டு ஓடி  போய் விடுவோமென்று  சொல்லிகொள்கிறோம்....

எத்தனை விதமான உணவு வகைகள். இப்படி எல்லாம் கூட இருக்கிறது என்று தெரியாத கால கட்டம் அது........அத்தனையையும் எங்கிருந்தோ கற்று வந்து செய்து பார்த்து மகிழ்ந்தது இன்று நினைவு வருகிறது.......பள்ளியில் ஒரு போட்டி வந்து விட்டால் போதும் எங்களுக்கு மரண தண்டனை தான் (இப்படி தான் நாங்கள் நினைத்தோம், இன்று என் பிள்ளைகளுக்கு அதே தண்டனையை நான் வாரி வாரி வழங்கி கொண்டிருக்கிறேன்). இப்படி எதையுமே விட்டு வைத்தது இல்லை......அப்படி பட்ட ஒரு அருமையான அம்மாவை திடீரென 14  ஆண்டுகள் முன்பு ஒரு அதிகாலை வேளையில் இழந்தோம்.....

இனி வருத்த பட்டாலும் கண்ணீர் விட்டு புலம்பினாலும்  எதுவும் மாறபோவது இல்லை.......என் அம்மா எனக்கு என்னவெல்லாம் கொடுத்தாளோ அதில் ஒரு அரை சதவிகிதமாவது என் பிள்ளைகளுக்கு நான் கொடுக்க வேண்டும் என்று எண்ணுகிறேன்.......

அம்மாவை பற்றி எழுதும் இந்த பக்கத்தில் என் அம்மாவிற்கு நிகராக எங்களை கண்ணும் கருத்துமாய் வளர்த்த, வளர்த்துகொண்டிருக்கும் எங்கள் பெரியம்மாவை பற்றி சொல்லாமல் போனால் அது ஒரு துரோகம்  என்றே சொல்ல வேண்டும்.......பெரியம்மாக்கள்  என்பதை விட அம்மாவின் வேறு தோற்றங்கள் என்றே சொல்ல வேண்டும்......இன்று வரை அவர்கள் முகம் சுழித்து பார்த்தது இல்லை எங்களை மற்றொரு வயிற்றில் பிறந்த பிள்ளைகளாக பார்த்ததும் இல்லை.  நான் பல முறை எங்கள் பெரியாம்மாக்களிடம் சொன்னது உண்டு.....நீங்கள் எல்லாரும் இருக்கும் தைரியத்தில்  தான் எங்களை விட்டு விட்டு சென்றாள் எங்கள் அம்மா என்று. அது வெறும் வார்த்தைகள் அல்ல பூரணமான உண்மை.......அம்மா இல்லாமல் எப்படி உலகில் ஜனித்திருக்க முடியாதோ அதே போல எங்கள் பெரியம்மாக்கள் இல்லாமல் உயிர்த்திருந்திருக்க முடியாமல் போயிருக்கும்  எங்களால்.

அன்னை என்பவள் எந்த வடிவில் இருந்தாலும் சரி அவள் தெய்வம் தான்..